Living in New York is great for a lot of reasons, but one of the most important is the food. You can literally find almost any type of food from around the world, except for Viking Food (apologies to Naked Gun). This is a pretty exciting prospect, especially if you’re relatively adventurous. However, there are many types of worldly cuisine that as a Midwesterner I had no idea what they entailed. After considering this, I thought maybe there are others out there who share my ignorance. So, I took the liberty of creating a quick guide to eating different cuisines. This is in no way meant to be a tutorial on proper etiquette, nor is it meant to be a critique. It’s simply a little rundown, so that one might have an idea of what to expect when venturing into a new type of restaurant. Forgive me if this isn’t 100% accurate, I’ve done my best to figure these out for you. Feel free, as always, to comment on or correct any mistakes I might have made.
Afghan:
A charming hostess seats you and your party in a charming crumbling cement bunker, lined with darling razor wire. Ouch! Careful, in there. Your waiter shouts at you angrily while the busboy’s stand back with threatening rocket launchers slung over their backs. Settle down, they’re harmless
! The letters on the menu will mean nothing to you, so roll the dice here. Chances are you’ll get a piping hot chunk of meat impaled on a steel rod brought to your table. What is it you ask? Don’t get caught up on details, just enjoy and know that there is a strong chance you owned one of whatever you’re eating as a childhood pet! Bon Apetit! Visa, MasterCard, Diner’s Club, and Interesting Trades accepted.
Burmese:
Don’t let the name chase you away, the only pythons here dangle above the urinals. Seriously though, cuisine from Burma is almost exactly like the popular cuisine from Myanmar which I think needs no further explanation.
Ethiopian:
There is only one Ethiopian restaurant in my neighborhood so they aren’t that common. The food is very difficult to describe so I thought in this case I would just put a copy of the menu in here. Bear in mind that I didn’t bother to recreate the fonts or the feel of the menu, it’s straight text so let your imagination get crazy:
Café Ethiopia
Lunch:
Sack of Grain……………………$10.99
Dinner:
Sack of Grain……………………$12.99
I would have to say that I recommend the dinner sack; you get a complimentary roll of fly tape with it (your eyes will thank you).
Vietnamese:
Don’t let the smell fool you, they aren’t incinerating medical waste in there! Far from it weary traveler, a delicious meal awaits you on the inside. “Charlie” will seat you in an authentic bamboo cage. Watch out for the bamboo chutes covered in animal shit, those ends are sharp! In addition, a few simple phrases will go a long way toward improving your service and getting you something special from the chef. Try “Me so Hungry”, or “Me eaty rong time” (you can check your “L”s at the door), both of these will pay big dividends when the check comes. Have fun with it!
Kosher:
What exactly is “kosher” you ask? Essentially it means an old man with a tiny little hat said that your dinner was cool with him. It also means that all of the food comes with a hearty side of “Oi!”. But, don’t make the mistake I did, that’s matzo, not a cracker. It only looks and tastes exactly like a cracker. Finally, those crazy hair do’s on the fellah’s, where do I begin? Think of them as delicious curly-Q French fries in front of their ears.
Insider’s Tip: Be sure to haggle when your bill comes!
Carribean:
Bring me my dinner Mon! The food in these quaint little restaurants is only half of the fun. While you dine, venders will incessantly try to sell you everything from tiny drums, to masks, to illicit drugs! My friends had the most fun seeing who could say “no thank you” the most times during our dinner. Can you imagine? If you order the chicken here, we found it to be a fun game to throw the bones inside the steel drums of the band. Never mind the amusing clanging it made, the band members were so amused they packed their things and left! No doubt they had a good laugh on their way home.
Persian:
What type of food comes from a region that is no longer recognized? Food of the same type! All of the food here can be described as tasty to say the least, but my dinner companion and I found the décor to be breathtaking. You’re seated on a genuine Persian rug, no chairs in the house. At first this was unusual but after I started eating I found that I really loved munching on a rug! I think that if you give it a chance you’ll love it too!
So this was only a brief rundown, and I certainly didn’t cover every type of food that there is. However, I hope that I touched on some of the more unusual varieties that are out there. So next time you’re in New York, or whatever part of the world enjoy the food and don’t be afraid to try some new things. With a little bit of experimenting, I’m sure you’ll be able to add to this handy guide. Until then, enjoy it and enjoy your meals, wherever they’re from.
Afghan:
A charming hostess seats you and your party in a charming crumbling cement bunker, lined with darling razor wire. Ouch! Careful, in there. Your waiter shouts at you angrily while the busboy’s stand back with threatening rocket launchers slung over their backs. Settle down, they’re harmless
! The letters on the menu will mean nothing to you, so roll the dice here. Chances are you’ll get a piping hot chunk of meat impaled on a steel rod brought to your table. What is it you ask? Don’t get caught up on details, just enjoy and know that there is a strong chance you owned one of whatever you’re eating as a childhood pet! Bon Apetit! Visa, MasterCard, Diner’s Club, and Interesting Trades accepted.Burmese:
Don’t let the name chase you away, the only pythons here dangle above the urinals. Seriously though, cuisine from Burma is almost exactly like the popular cuisine from Myanmar which I think needs no further explanation.
Ethiopian:
There is only one Ethiopian restaurant in my neighborhood so they aren’t that common. The food is very difficult to describe so I thought in this case I would just put a copy of the menu in here. Bear in mind that I didn’t bother to recreate the fonts or the feel of the menu, it’s straight text so let your imagination get crazy:
Café Ethiopia
Lunch:
Sack of Grain……………………$10.99
Dinner:
Sack of Grain……………………$12.99
I would have to say that I recommend the dinner sack; you get a complimentary roll of fly tape with it (your eyes will thank you).
Vietnamese:
Don’t let the smell fool you, they aren’t incinerating medical waste in there! Far from it weary traveler, a delicious meal awaits you on the inside. “Charlie” will seat you in an authentic bamboo cage. Watch out for the bamboo chutes covered in animal shit, those ends are sharp! In addition, a few simple phrases will go a long way toward improving your service and getting you something special from the chef. Try “Me so Hungry”, or “Me eaty rong time” (you can check your “L”s at the door), both of these will pay big dividends when the check comes. Have fun with it!
Kosher:
What exactly is “kosher” you ask? Essentially it means an old man with a tiny little hat said that your dinner was cool with him. It also means that all of the food comes with a hearty side of “Oi!”. But, don’t make the mistake I did, that’s matzo, not a cracker. It only looks and tastes exactly like a cracker. Finally, those crazy hair do’s on the fellah’s, where do I begin? Think of them as delicious curly-Q French fries in front of their ears.
Insider’s Tip: Be sure to haggle when your bill comes!
Carribean:
Bring me my dinner Mon! The food in these quaint little restaurants is only half of the fun. While you dine, venders will incessantly try to sell you everything from tiny drums, to masks, to illicit drugs! My friends had the most fun seeing who could say “no thank you” the most times during our dinner. Can you imagine? If you order the chicken here, we found it to be a fun game to throw the bones inside the steel drums of the band. Never mind the amusing clanging it made, the band members were so amused they packed their things and left! No doubt they had a good laugh on their way home.
Persian:
What type of food comes from a region that is no longer recognized? Food of the same type! All of the food here can be described as tasty to say the least, but my dinner companion and I found the décor to be breathtaking. You’re seated on a genuine Persian rug, no chairs in the house. At first this was unusual but after I started eating I found that I really loved munching on a rug! I think that if you give it a chance you’ll love it too!
So this was only a brief rundown, and I certainly didn’t cover every type of food that there is. However, I hope that I touched on some of the more unusual varieties that are out there. So next time you’re in New York, or whatever part of the world enjoy the food and don’t be afraid to try some new things. With a little bit of experimenting, I’m sure you’ll be able to add to this handy guide. Until then, enjoy it and enjoy your meals, wherever they’re from.
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