How abo
ut David Caruso? Greatest actor of our time? I think he certainly needs to be in the discussion. Few, if any actors give a performance that is as consistently entertaining as he does. Not for his dramatic takes on life, but for the fact that he can turn a double homicide into the funniest thing on television. Is there anyone on television more consistently funny? It’s like he stuck with his shit acting method so long that, he crossed over from unwatchable to hilarious. He is also the king of fantastic little word-plays that are somehow both predictable and head scratching at the same time, it’s unprecedented really. Let’s just plug David Caruso into some situations other than CSI and see what kind of fun we can have, shall we?
David Caruso in a tampon commercial:
Caruso walks in coolly: What seems to be the trouble here?
Panicky woman: It’s…it’s my vagina…it’s got a really, really heavy flow.
Caruso, kneeling down for some reason: So you’re telling me the flow is… (looks up at woman) heavy?
Woman (trembling): So, so heavy.
Caruso (pulls out a tampon): This is one river… (pulls off sunglasses slowly), that’s about to run dry.
And…Scene!
David Caruso in a condom commercial:
ut David Caruso? Greatest actor of our time? I think he certainly needs to be in the discussion. Few, if any actors give a performance that is as consistently entertaining as he does. Not for his dramatic takes on life, but for the fact that he can turn a double homicide into the funniest thing on television. Is there anyone on television more consistently funny? It’s like he stuck with his shit acting method so long that, he crossed over from unwatchable to hilarious. He is also the king of fantastic little word-plays that are somehow both predictable and head scratching at the same time, it’s unprecedented really. Let’s just plug David Caruso into some situations other than CSI and see what kind of fun we can have, shall we?David Caruso in a tampon commercial:
Caruso walks in coolly: What seems to be the trouble here?
Panicky woman: It’s…it’s my vagina…it’s got a really, really heavy flow.
Caruso, kneeling down for some reason: So you’re telling me the flow is… (looks up at woman) heavy?
Woman (trembling): So, so heavy.
Caruso (pulls out a tampon): This is one river… (pulls off sunglasses slowly), that’s about to run dry.
And…Scene!
David Caruso in a condom commercial:
Caruso, again, walks in coolly: What seems to be the trouble here?
Panicky young man: It’s…it’s my boner…I really want to do it, but that vagina…it…it looks…homeless.
Caruso, kneeling down for some reason: So you’re telling me that you just walked in here, saw that thing and said... (looks up at young man) ‘I'm going balls deep'?
Young man: I mean, I guess so.
Caruso (pulls out a condom): This is one pig… (pulls off sunglasses slowly), that’s going in a blanket.
And…Scene!
David Caruso in a cheap-vodka commercial:
Can Caruso walk in any way but coolly: What seems to be the trouble here?
Panicky middle aged man: I’m out of booze man. I’m starting to hallucinate, I got no money…I’m screwed!
Caruso, in need of some knee pads now: So you’re telling me you’re sober... (looks up at man) and you want that to change?
Middle aged man: Yes! Yes, all I want is to pound some booze.
Caruso (pulls out a fifth of vodka): This is one face… (pulls off sunglasses slowly), that’s about to get shit.
Seriously, there is an unlimited supply of these. In fact, I may do a follow up column at some point. He’s just great comedy. Tune in to an episode of CSI Miami sometime, it’s worth your while. Yes, it’s predictable and incredibly formulaic but Caruso is definitely worth the price of admission.
2 comments:
Greatest actor of our time?
I'm sure you meant that sarcastically.
As for the rest of your post - HILARIOUS. Especially the one with the Vodka (Caruso is a recovering alcoholic) and the condom (Off camera Caruso likes to drop his pants for women 15 years his junior)...
I might be inclined to cite you sooner or later.
Thanks for the feedback, glad you enjoyed it.
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