Why is it that restaurants insist on arbitrarily substituting Miracle Whip for mayonnaise. Why is it that when you order a sandwich with mayonnaise on it that the employees at whatever restaurant you are at feel it is perfectly acceptable to substitute that request, without asking of course, for whatever product they have laying around that might resemble what you actually asked for? And why is it only done with the mayo/miracle whip relationship? You never order a sandwich with ketchup and get some marinara sauce on it, what the fuck? While I’m on it, who named this shit miracle whip? Ummm, I think the boys over at product development may have overshot it a touch with “miracle”. I picture a couple of scientists coming out of a lab with this crap when they first came up with it:
“Try this boss”, (tastes a finger full),“Damn.” (another finger) “Damn! This shit takes like Jesus himself made it. Not only made it, but created it out of thin air to finish off some divine ham salad. You know what it is? It’s a fucking miracle! That’s what it is.”Honestly, a miracle is like if you put it on your sandwich and your sandwich shits a diamond on your plate. Now that product, I would try.
1 comment:
sorry, but comparing substitution of miracle whip rather than mayonnaise to marinara for ketchup is a stretch.
Restaurants cant be expected to carry every brand of condiments.
waiter: "sir, with your burger would you care for miracle whip or REAL mayonnaise, would our prefer Heinz ketchup or Sunny Tomato catsup; we are also offering a potato bun, sesame bun, and our traditional white bun; for mustard we have Frenches classic yellow, Colemans spicy brown, or honey mustard; lettuce choices are iceberg, romaine or bib."
customer: "i just want a fucking hamburger"
At some point you just have to eat what thy give you. You could, of course, just eat at home and put dog shit on your sandwich if thats what you prefer.
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